A Painful Beginning

This is me. Giving all of you other food bloggers a web-based kick in the crotch. Sorry. You're all really nice people and I actually do enjoy most of your blogs. I know, I know, apologies after criticism don't work. I'm a slow learner. The reason why I started this blog is all thanks to Communal restaurant. Yes, I'm sure you've seen the lovely art-deco and new-age photos of people eating there through sand-blasted glass windows and outdoor lighting. You've probably also read numerous posts like this one:

"...I could not believe my taste buds. How could everything taste so out of this world? So delectable? So fresh? SO perfect? Not too fussy, but just right? Oh I don’t know, but they did it- and beyond..."

I'm sorry. I don't care how good a chef he is, you did not taste heaven. I went there. Heaven isn't as greasy as my chicken was and didn't have an overpowering taste of cold spinach and pine nuts.

Face it. Most food review blogs are just like those chain letters your aunt forwards to you about how Bill Gates will send you 100 dollars if you forward on his "email test". (No, he's not ever going to do that, just delete it and stop sending them to me.) Someone writes about recipes they like, other people like them and say things like "Oh it's so great!" and "Oh it's so yummy!" (What the heck does 'yummy' mean anyway? That's not a qualifier for anything) and suddenly that person is a food critic? Do me a favor, go and read "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. He has a great piece on the reason why food critics are food critics, and why normal people can't be food critics. To really be able to critique food you have to have such an intimate relationship with food (think 10,000 hours of practice studying and critiquing food--not 2 years writing a food blog) that you can understand why something tastes good, not just that it did.

Now, to explain myself, I'm not a food critic either. I don't claim to be. I just don't think that the grim reality is being properly represented in the food blogs of today. There's plenty of "yummy!"s out there, and lots of "ooh, SOOOOOO good" (you know what, multiple '0's don't make me think it's any better, try underline, it's an actual English writing method for emphasis), but there aren't many people telling the truth and saying "You know what? It was ok, but too expensive" or maybe even "you know what, your food really isn't that good" [GASP]. Yes. I said it. Now, on to my first review.